Your Car says something about you

I recently made a statement on Twitter and Facebook about how a man's car can tell a lot about his character, which most men seemed to disagree with. Well reason behind that statement; I strongly believe when someone whether male or female buys a car they are buying it for certain reason, reasons that are appealing to each individual.

No I am not able to break it down categorically, and tell you what each car says about you but when car manufacturers advertise they are targeting a specific market, their market are people most likely to buy the car, RIGHT? This is drawn from different character traits people have. eg. associate the following words with a certain car/manufacturer; sporty, affordable, comfort, masculine, luxurious with a touch of swag, panty dropper, arrogance, cuteness, safety etc. I am sure there is a number of cars popping in your head that each word described.

Yes it may not be accurate to associate a certain type of car to a certain person, however our perception of a car is largely based on how the car was marketed as I said earlier e.g. Volvos for safety, Porches for style and speed. It's tough to decipher but stereo-typically people with the same car have similar character traits.

According to an article I read "What his car says about him", the type of car you drive, where it is from may say a lot about a man. Tell me I am wrong ladies half the time after you have met a guy your girls do ask "what does he drive",  depending on what your answer is the next question will either be filled with enthusiasm or disappointment.

On MSN Autos they say car nuts can admit that their rides are a power window to your soul. Dr Leon James said "People construct an ideal in their mind of the perfect car, and those attributes are transferred to its driver as well," noting how negatively we associate the drivers of dilapidated or dirty cars. Some of us get so offended we'll deliver a hand-scrawled scolding, strangely written from the car's point of view: Wash Me. Yeah don't act like you haven't done that at some point in your life. 

For more than 20 years, Dr. Leon James at the University of Hawaii has researched and taught the psychology of driving. In our car culture, James says, drivers idealize their rides and even lend them human qualities. Under hypnosis, drivers will refer to their car as if it were a friend or lover. In everyday life, owners name their cars and talk to them. And whether the car is racy or outdoorsy, owners seek attributes that mirror their self-image.

How many men do you know that call their cars "my baby, my pride and joy etc". How many girls think you a player just because you drive a G5/6 M3 etc, simply because your car has a panty dropper effect? How many times do you grin and think yeah I'm the man after people stare when you drive past?

Believe it or not? I may be wrong but, price range aside and if it was inherited or given to you your car does say something about you!

Can men and women be friends?

Our cultures and religion are obsessed with the prospect and possibility of us finding a partner and escaping the lonely purgatory of singledom. Once we have found our partners which we then decide to take as our life partners, we are often expected to cut ties with members of the opposite sex that are present in our lives to prove how committed we are.  Question is, is it a wise decision to make?

I recently asked a question on Facebook regarding male and female friendships. Whether being friends with a member of the opposite sex while married or in a committed relationship was wise. Most people’s response to the topic was that it depends on your partner and what type of friendship you may have, whether it is a lifelong friendship or a recent one. Some think that friendships formed prior to your relationship are no harm. Some believe that it is not possible or a good idea as there is always ulterior motives from one side.

The key according to one Facebook follower, is transparency, which frankly I agree with. When forming a friendship with a member of the opposite sex you should be clear from the beginning that it is clearly a friendship so that there are no misunderstood signs or a one way attraction mistaken as mutual.  When you enter into a relationship they should also be aware that you are now in a relationship so that there is are boundaries formed from that point.

In the 1989 film When Harry met Sally; the film is about love, friendship and whether men and women can be friends. In the film, Harry who is played by Billy Crystal points out that no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive, he will always want more than friendship.  He also later points out in the film that if both parties are in a relationship, the pressure of possible involvement is lifted. One can sit and wonder whether that statement is true or not or whether it depends on how much time you spend together or if you all get together as couples.

There is no clear cut answer to this topic, but from what we have gathered it is clear that if your friends do not respect your relationship and your partner it either the friendship or the relationship won’t work. Relationships are also about trusting your partner and also respecting the trust instilled you to the effect that when you do realize you are attracted to a friend, you decide what it is exactly you want. When things are clear from the beginning as one of our followers pointed out, there is less risk in encountering problems during the course of your friendship. It is also impossible to let go of all of your opposite sex friends, as sometimes this may be possessiveness creeping into our relationships and we are not aware. I stand firm with my statement that I refuse to let go of some old friends as they will be the ones picking up the pieces and reminding me there are still good members of the opposite sex around, should things turn sour. As for making new male friends am not really interested would drop all of them for my partner.

At the end of the day it all depends on what you want from the friendship and your relationship.

Choosing and wearing the correct shade of foundation.

 

                                                              

Most women want to know how to use foundation without it looking like they are wearing a mask or dipped their faces in peanut butter. Some women have difficulties choosing and applying foundation correctly, choosing foundation isn’t difficult but is time consuming, particularly for women of colour. There are oh so many shades to choose from, choosing the wrong colour may have you looking like a wax figure or your face looking entirely different shade then your neck. So ladies let’s not give people a reason to want to attack us with a wet face cloth en ask us to start all over again or even have an SMH moment when you walk by.

Rule number one to choosing foundation: never ever use it to change the colour of your face, your hands and neck will definitely give it away. The whole point of foundation is to blend in with your natural tone making your skin appear almost flawless yet natural. If you start with the right base it will make the rest of your makeup look so much better. Using a good foundation can offer good coverage, moisturisation and even offer sunscreen protection.

When testing a foundation always check the match in natural light. You can either apply it on the side of your face or on the inner side of your wrist, as the skin there often matches your facial tone. It is also good that when choosing foundation you make sure that it is good for your skin and meets your skin requirements.

Powder or cream-to-powder foundations are more suited for normal to oily skin types. Liquid foundations are good for all skin types, if you have oily skin it is advisable to look for oil free liquids and those with dry skin should look for moisturising liquids.

                              

The best way to find the correct tone of foundation is to go to the store and have one of the consultants assist you, Edgars is a perfect example of where you can find consultants that will spend time in helping you find the right shade and even assist you on how to apply it. It is quite difficult to find the correct shade with women of colour as there is a wide range of undertones in black skin.

For your make up to go on evenly, you need to remove dead skin cells once or twice a week, and also use a moisturiser before applying foundation to keep your skin hydrated and also allows the foundation to go on more evenly and last longer by creating a smooth base for the pigment to adhere to.

You may wonder which is better to use when applying foundation?  Your fingers, a sponge or a brush?

According to O magazine O make up bag, using your fingers to apply liquid and cream foundation, because the heat generated helps to warm up the pigmentation, making it easier to blend.

When using a sponge if you want a sheer look; it absorbs a lot of foundation, taking down its intensity. Lightly press it into the skin in a blotting motion because sweeping the sponge across your face will create streaks.

A brush can be used to deposit the pigment most evenly. For liquid foundation, choose a tapered synthetic brush one like the one demonstrated below. The tapered tip allows you to get into the areas around your nose and under your eyes, and the synthetic bristles don’t absorb to much foundation. Tap the end of the brush into the foundation and "paint" it across your forehead, down your nose, across your cheekbones, and on your chin. In sweeping motions, blend the pigment into the skin until it's invisible.

Now that you have the know how please ladies the people at the makeup counters are there to help you! Happy shopping for your foundation.

The art of appling blush

I like blush, I really do and probably put it on every day, it is a great way to brighten your face, but sometimes people go a bit overboard and end up looking like clowns or running a fever. Some ladies get it wrong, but fear not, I shall help you in your quest to finding the correct blush. First thing’s first, it is important to choose the correct shade of blush for your skin tone and the correct type for your skin type.

 

 The best way to choose blush is to use nature as your guide. According to InStyle the trick is to use the colour that matches your cheeks when they're flushed after exercise or being out in the cold. If you still not sure the best thing to do is ask someone at the makeup counter. It depends on your skin tone whether you will need a light or darker colour. 

You need to choose a colour that will accent your existing best facial feature and one that won’t stand out too much, but rather act as a feature enhancer.

 

Creme blush hydates and flatters dry skin               Powder blush for oily and combination skin.

 

  

Liquid and gel blush which is also suitable for oily and combimation skin.

In addition to choosing the correct the correct colour, you also need to choose the correct formula. For dry skin, crème blushes tend to be more hydrating and flattering. Oily/Combination skin powder blushes work best as any other consistency can tend to slide off on oily skin and for normal skin almost any blush formula works including liquid and gel formulas.

Also make sure you have the correct brush for blush. A blush brush is different from a powder brush as it has more bristles and is smaller in size. You can however use them both, the blush brush for more powder coverage and the powder brush for a lighter coverage or colour.

 

Once you have your blush, next step is applying the blush. Which is also a quite tricky as many women get it wrong. Here is how to apply blush correctly:

Smile until you cheeks perk up, apply the blush to the centre of the apple of your cheeks, blend the colour along your cheekbone. If you are using gel, dot the colour using your fingers or a makeup sponge to blend it in. For a more natural look always concentrate the colour on the apples of your cheeks and blend well, before blending, always dust off the excess to avoid excessively rosy cheeks.

And that is how you put on blush!

Autumn/Winter looks

Jennifer Lopez and Jennifer Hudson wearing fawn leather dress.  Leather dresses and skirts are back in fashion, and are a chic option for everyone and every occasion, making it a hot ticket item for autumn. This fawn patent leather dress is sleeveless; bra-friendly and gives great shoulder coverage. It can be paired with ankle boots just as Jlo paired it, closed or peep toe shoes.

This skirt can be paired with a button up shirt or chiffon blouse for a more classy look, for a more stylish and fashionable look you can pair it up with a boyfriend blazer, a simple top or vest.

Jennifer Hudson once again shows off the leather look, she wears the leather pencil skirt with a black vest /tank top as a third look in her music video “Think like a man”

The leather look is timeless and looks good on anybody, by anybody I mean anybody from  a 20 year old to a 60 year old. Anyone can rock this look, a biker babe, vixens, corporate to an everyday look, you can dress it up or down, making it a must have for autumn and winter. The look can be accessorized with a few chunky bracelets/bangles for a more funky look and for a more bedazzled look you can try a bib necklace, one like the one Jennifer has on.

However be aware that while nothing is wrong with showing off some legs out for a night, leather can make one look a bit on the trashy side if not worn properly and worn properly you can look classy.

A big no-no is pairing the leather skirt or dress with a leather jacket, that is a bit of an overkill on the animal theme but it does however look good with animal print tops.

 

The case of the Mistress

Sometimes as women we get ourselves in sticky situations, sometimes driven by loneliness, the need to fill a void and at times the need to explore. This however doesn’t happen only with women but with men as well. People stray for many reasons; tainted love, revenge, unfulfilled longings, plain old lust, a rebellion against plain old matrimony or even a quest for intensity.

Often in relationships the shadow of the third creeps in, whether we like it or not. This shadow lurks around the corner and presents itself as a threat within our homes. This shadow can be physical or imaginary. As Esther Perel puts it in one of her books “The third is the manifestation of our desire for what lies outside the fence. It is the forbidden.” Perhaps that is why such a few affairs last after the marriage that inspired them dissolves.

Esther goes on to explain in her book that, Perfect love is sufficient unto itself. So fragile is this fusion that the presence of another, even in fantasy is powerful enough to shatter it. 

The shadow of the third can be in a form of an actual affair or just a fantasy. A fantasy can be as shattering and devastating as an affair. This was illustrated perfectly in the movie Eyes Wide Shut, with Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. In the movie when Bill and Alice returned home from a Christmas party that had sparked a conversation about sex. Bill had assumed that Alice is incapable of infidelity, Bill was so sure of his assumptions. Alice then decided to enlighten him and described in agonizing detail just how powerful the power of the other can be even if it’s nothing more than a mirage. Alice described to Bill a fantasy she had with a naval officer she desired from a distance, they never met, they never even exchanged words but his instant hold on her was strong.

Bill was devastated by his wife’s revelation and spends the rest of the movie trying to avenge the betrayal and restore order to his broken world. This is a clear indication of how a fantasy could generate the same sense of violation as an actual affair.

In some relationships a partner’s security rests not only on what the other partner does but also on what they think. 

A recent radio interview hosted by Chriselda with Penny Lebyane, Nonkukuleko Ndlovu and Kedibone revealed just how far certain affairs could go. Some affairs could go as far as when the partner is away with his wife and kids, the mistress would be on the 6^th floor while the family is on the 8^th floor. Chriselda went on to discuss the burden it also has on the mistress as they sometimes have the hope that their partner will leave their wife one day.

She went on to give tips on how to be a good mistress, such as availing yourself every ­­­­­­­­­­­time your partner wants to meet. Be prepared to be disappointed as you won’t be spending as much time as you wish. 

In a nutshell being  a mistress or having  a threat of the shadow of the third, it could either be disastrous or like as Alain de Botton said Infidelity, not the act itself, but the threat of it can be capable of rescuing a relationship ruined by habit.